In Transit Review: Grimm's Cabinet of Spooky Stories

In Transit review:
Note: An “In Transit” review is a story I feel is still “on its way”. This simply means a production isn’t complete or is in need of a rewrite. It also means I’m likely to revisit the story if it gets a rewrite.

Grimm's Cabinet of Spooky Stories by James E. Coplin

http://authonomy.com/books/42310/-grimm-s-cabinet-of-spooky-stories/ 

And here we go with another review. Once again, though I really did enjoy this work, I have to say it needs a good amount of work in some key categories before really pushing for publishing.

The stories here feel a lot like camp fire stories, the ones teens and kids tell each other to give themselves nightmares. That’s not putting the stories down, as actually creating a short story with enough personality to elicit an emotion from you in less than ten minutes is not easy. These stories will send chills down your spine and make you un-desirous to look over your shoulder. The descriptions are captivating and the direction is great.

There is a problem at the end of the day however and that’s why I’m recommending the author go back to the drawing board for a little while. The actual characters are very hard to care about as individuals. Now when it comes to horror, generally a bad character means a drug dealing psycho twit is our protagonist. The stories certainly have nothing in that category. What the stories are missing is any real feeling of attachment to the characters before they run into trouble. The dread and suspense comes purely from atmosphere and a slow steady pace building up suspense with pay offs that are not entirely predictable. This means the stories have personality, but not so much the characters. Stories with personality, especially in a genre that seeks to elicit an emotional response, are great. This means many of the scenes stuck with me. However none of the characters really did. I’ll explain a little more when I get to the character rating.

On the actual story rating, here’s how it fared. With the highest possible score being 12 (with two bonus points included) this series of stories made an 8.25. Really not a bad showing and definitely worth a look for the curious. However as I’ve said before, generally my rating system is pretty lenient. If you don’t make a 9 at least, which sounds high, in reality that means you need to do some work.

This IS a series of horror based stories, so you might expect objectionable material to be rather high. Well judge for yourself. The stories are not overtly gory, but there is a natural amount of blood I’d say, so that’s a -2. Good, bad and neutral characters do die, so that’s a -3 for realistic killing. And a general -1 for horror in general. Really a -6 out of a possible -25 isn’t bad. Actually this book could be read around the aforementioned campfire to kids.

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Grimm’s Cabnet of Spooky Stories is a great bunch of camp fire stories. Very rare is the full horror story written these days that can elicit much of a reaction from me, but these had me glued to my seat to see what would happen. On occasion I did know approximately what the endings might be, however even when it was a story I’d heard before, each story was told with an even sense of suspense and atmosphere. Don’t pass this one up, it’s a real treat and really there’s no reason you can’t read it to your kids. Though fair warning, some members of the audience may sleep with one eye open. _________________________________________________________

And with the author plug out of the way, here are the details of how the score was decided:

Warning: Spoilers may be ahead.

1. Spelling/Grammar

Score: ¾

Why yes, ¾ is my default score. As such to be honest, it doesn’t mean much. This just means I found the occasional typo, but didn’t see any real patterns to such. The author just needs a proof read or two and he’ll fix this.

2. Interesting Plot

Score: 1

Really a few of the stories in this book are ones people have heard before, however they are very well told. The story of the evil scare crow isn’t one no one ever saw coming for instance, but that just makes it all the better to see such a story told right. The author didn’t “skip to the good parts” and instead let us wonder if the scare crow would or would not come to life, and what exactly its intentions were if it did. The author allows us to see bad omens, get suspicious and wonder about what will happen, instead of having the scare crow leap at someone bearing a machete. Strange as it seems, obvious and blunt danger is less scary than subtly. Perhaps it’s just recalling that childish sense of not having any idea what is or isn’t dangerous, that makes us more afraid of the fin approaching someone in Jaws, than the actual shark attack itself. Whatever the cause of this phenomenon, the author here gets it.

3. Good Direction

Score: 1

Suspense has a lot to do with direction. If a story gives away too much too soon, suspense is killed. However if the writer reveals too little, the readers simply become confused. This writer was very good at keeping me up with what was going on and adding just enough foreshadowing to make me know something was amiss, if indeed foreshadowing was needed.

4. Author Interest

Score: ½

Yes, this is the first time I haven’t given someone a full 1 in this category. This author didn’t approach me to read his story, I approached him after he backed me. I also don’t see much evidence of him advertising. I would recommend if he really isn’t, he get on that, this series is worth getting some movement on... well yes it does need some polish, but that’s no reason not to show off what the story has.

5. Believable Main Characters

Score: 1

There was nothing spectacularly realistic about the characters in this series of short stories. Normally I don’t care too much about realism in characters in non-contemporary fiction, however in horror, there is the cliché of character’s only getting in trouble because of chronic stupidity. There’s nothing the characters do in this series that is inherently stupid. Perhaps ill advised, but no one runs towards a serial killer with a machete, in a miniskirt while wielding a twig. The characters do behave like real people might.

6. Likable Main Characters

Score: ½

Finally we get to the problem area. Did I like the main characters? Well I didn’t hate them, but I couldn’t like them either. And here’s a little catch, they weren’t entirely void of personality. The trouble is, the personality traits they had were only those required to get them into the problems they got into. Their personalities were just another part of the stories. This felt a lot like some of the watered down versions of the Christmas Carol, where Scrooge’s motivations are never really explored and he’s just painted as a jerk for the sake of it. I suppose this is the challenge of writing good characters. They have to do things that are NOT motivated by a need to move the story along, and yet they can’t be seen doing so much irrelevant stuff that the story feels like it has no direction. They have to stumble over themselves when they’re NOT about to trip into something important. They have to tell jokes that are just funny, not omens. I reminded of all the times Sherlock Homles would be shown making observations that did nothing to further the plot, and all the times Watson was shown trying in vain to knock down his ego, even though such didn’t do much to advance the initial story

7. Likable Side Characters

Score: ½

This story had plenty of side characters, and no, they did not exist simply to rack up a body count. However they had the same problems as the main characters. No personalities of their own. If I were to just come out a say it, these stories feel like they need to be some five pages longer each to flesh out all the potentially drawing characters. (Course with some talent, they could just need one more page each, but I wouldn’t try too hard for that.) I would tell the author to not worry, letting the characters tell a few unnecessary jokes and banter, will not ruin his pace, it will simply add a new element. And now to say what I must, there’s a reason camp fire stories stay around camp fires. If you’re going to write a few out, go ahead and flesh out the characters.

8. Good Scene Descriptions

Score: 1

The atmosphere in these stories was so good it was chilling, literally. My mind’s eye saw exactly was it was supposed to, and it never felt like the author was pausing to examine a rock for no particular reason. This was especially true in the scare crow story.

9. Targeting

Score: 1

Anyone into short horror stories will love this little series. It’s scary, it isn’t mind numbingly stupid and it has great atmosphere. Take a look, you won’t be disappointed.

10. Broad Appeal

Score: 1

Too often these days horror authors confuse revulsion with fear. Not this one. There are no tons of blood and gore washing over the floor, or scenes of torture porn. It’s just good old fashioned suspense and atmosphere. As a result, you could read a few of these stories to your older kids even. There aren’t even a ton of overt sexual references that lead nowhere. But enough of me decrying what’s wrong with the horror genre, yes, general audiences will enjoy these titles.

The Lost Wink Review

The Lost Wink by Todd Schneider

http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

The Lost Wink has to be one of my favorites on the site simply because it’s a story that knows what it’s trying to be. It isn’t shocking or controversial, it’s just a good children’s story that would be great to read to a little kid. It would be a great first book for a seven-year-old and a good classic favorite for when he’s older. This is a new twist on some older stories, having elements of Oliver Twist and Tom Sawyer. It’s not impossibly cute, forbidding anyone older that five from being entertained by it, however it is definitely written for kids.

One thing that did catch me off guard was the author’s willingness to allow his character to experience hardship, but continue to make him a relatable and likable character. I know the main moral of the story was supposed to be “follow your dreams” but I think the underlying message was about perseverance. The story is very well told and I only have a few objections to its direction.

Now to the score. Out of a possible 12 points, including two bonus points, this story scored a solid 10.25. Yes, the author scored a bonus point and still didn’t make it into the 11’s. I have yet to find a story that can make that, and actually 10.25 is one of the highest scores I’ve given (despite appearances, I may be easy to impress, but I do grade hard).

As to our moral rating, I would say that most kids should be able to take this story pretty easily without having nightmares, but still there are things to consider. For one the torments inflicted on the main character are far beyond normal, to the point of imprisonment, isolation, starvation and constant peril. For this the story gets a -2. Also it is not only implied that the main villain violently dies, but also that several good characters die violently towards the end of the story. Their deaths are unlikely to cause nightmares, but when you think about it, the scene of their deaths is kinda unnerving. This gets a -3. This comes to, out of a possible -25, -5. Needless to say, the story really didn’t strike me as scary or bloody. Sure the Care Bears is friendlier, but it also never establishes very well that anything is at stake.

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The Lost Wink is a great children’s story that I would gladly put alongside legends like Charlotte’s Web. The story is goofy in places and childish in others, but also takes its audience seriously enough to allow us to see someone grow as a character not only through victory, but also through adversity. I was very impressed to see the story of an abused character NOT turned evil, introspective or sarcastic. I like to finally read a modern writer who understands that a smile one someone’s face does not imply an easy life or naivety. No punches were pulled, but I still walked away feeling good about myself and the world.

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Now that I’ve given the author a plug he can use if he likes, here’s the meat of the review.

Warning: Spoilers may be ahead.

Full scoring explanation.

1.      Spelling/Grammar

Score: ¾

The writer will have to proof read this story again. Nothing extremely noticeable that sacrificed readability, but if you read through you will find the occasional miss placed word or phrase.

2.      Interesting Plot

Score: 1

The basic premise of the abused kid who is pulled from rags to riches is familiar to us as our own skin. Contrast that to how many stories are about someone pulling himself from rags to riches in the fiction universe. Roscoe is no Cinderella and the story does not force him into greatness. I liked the idea of using a fantasy medieval world as well, which allows for the author to create a world kids can get lost in and remember when they become adults, even if it will seem childish by that point.

3.      Good Direction

Score: 1

Again, I like that Roscoe is not forced into greatness and the path the story takes is actually up to him as the main character. I also love how each adventure forces him to use his mind and engage his moral compass.

If there were one thing I might change, it would be the emphasis on dreams. Not that I disagree with pushing for ones dreams, however I would have liked to see more attention given to being happy where you are, if it’s a good place. In the end Roscoe learned that his ultimate dream of being with royalty was beyond what he was really ready for and he settled for being a farm boy, but this is barely addressed in the last few pages. Also the story has a good range of evil characters contrasted with good ones. It seems necessary that at least something be said about the difference. After all, Roscoe pursuing his dreams helped himself and others, but only because he cared for others just as much as himself if not more. Nasturtium pursing his dreams hurt him and everyone around him because he was self-absorbed, greedy and impatient, however this is never addressed in so many words. But these are personal preferences. Some of the story morals were inherent and didn’t need to be stated or hammered home and maybe that the story made me think about these things without stating them is a good sign.

4.      Author Interest

Score: 1

The author is actively advertising his story.

5.      Believable Main Characters

Score: 1
I was blown away by how easy it was to believe Roscoe as a real person. A balance was struck between making him a character subjected to hardship and a person with a bright outlook. Roscoe is aware of how bad he has it, but he doesn’t let that consume his thoughts. Actually, the person who can go through hardship with a smile strikes me as the stronger character, not the person with a scowl.

Also, much as I wanted to disbelieve people like him could exist, Nasturtium was also believable as a villain. Blinded by ambition and greed, Nasturtium was bitter, not very bright and very self-absorbed. Sure he hit every major character trait for a villain square on the head, but he never felt like a straight up demon, just a bad person. At no point was he portrayed as a force beyond, just someone to be avoided that our hero was stuck having to endure.

Also, yes, I believed the animals. Talking animals is something a lot of stories ask, and these animals, if I am to accept that they were people, acted like reasonable people for the most part. They also acted like animals, a balance that is not often seen.

6.      Likable Main Characters

Score: 1 +1

I liked most of the main characters in this story, including the animals, and the main villain I hated in just the right way. However Roscoe carried the show unbelievably well. He was funny, good natured, patient and yes, ultimately limited and flawed. I love that he persevered in the face of adversity instead of turning into a basket case, and that nothing he did really felt like something that would be impossible for a twelve-year-old boy.

7.      Likable Side Characters

Score: ½  

This is where an otherwise great story, really needs some work. The supporting cast was… okay? I hate to put it this way, but most of them came off as utter morons. I think the author might benefit from a few Encyclopedia Brown books or maybe watching Young Sherlock Holmes. To be quicker witted than his opponents, a kid doesn’t have to be unbelievably genius and his adversaries don’t have to be stupid. As it stands, the only character Roscoe ever crosses wits with that seems a mental match is Nasturtium.

This might be more tolerable if the good characters were intelligent, perhaps offering a subtext about the follies of greed and impatience concerning one’s IQ, however even the King of the entire country was an utter imbecil, and none of those around him seemed smart enough to be able keep him from regularly executing people for blinking at his daughter. Actually on that note, the King started to feel like a villain himself, considering that he no doubt hurt and even killed innocent people through his stupidity, even if those deaths were implied and not “on camera”.

8.      Good Scene Descriptions

Score: 1

The story was full of great scenery and descriptions of not only places, but also people. I actually was able to develop a mental picture of most scenes given the author’s wonderful command of illustrative language.

9.      Targeting

Score: 1

This is definitely a children’s story, and despite not pulling its punches when it comes to violence or even character deaths, I think most children will find it enjoyable. I like that the story allows a character to grow through his troubles, instead of having them spontaneously removed and then growing. This is a great story for children to hear when they’re being bullied or having a hard time at school. Keep going and keep your dreams in sight, something good could be just around the corner!

10.  Broad Appeal

Score: 1

If the side characters were allowed to be more intelligent, I think most adults could also get a kick out of this story. Also not pulling its punches allows for older audiences to take it seriously. While this is definitely a children’s story, like Tom Sawyer, I can still see it resting on someone’s bookshelf well into adulthood.

Note to the author:

If you appreciate this review, please don’t forget to read my story and rate it and if you like it, back it for a while. I appreciate thanks, but what I really need is readers and supporters.

Christian Guides Rating System

I’ve gotten several requests to look at theological productions. I’ve decided to give it a shot, but in order to do so I had to reinvent my grading scale.

I will warn all writers of devotionals or scripture guides or “life guides” or whatever, that I am far more judgmental of theological material than fictional. Works of fiction are meant to be read and enjoyed, maybe teaching life lessons, where theological works are meant to be taken as factual and are often meant to change the mode of a person’s life entirely. I’m not a theological giant myself as I haven’t memorized the whole Bible, but I’m fairly well versed in pretty much every book save for a few of the Minor Prophets. Whilst if I were to expound upon my actual theological views, I’m not sure how many sympathizers I would have, I believe I’ve spent enough time in and around mainstream Christianity to discover what would be acceptable standards.

As someone who feels slightly disconnected from the church, yet still loves the Bible, perhaps I’m in a good position to give an opinion. Perhaps not. Nonetheless I have been asked. Thus there are a series of items that I grow tired of seeing in Christian works. Enough problems and I probably won’t even finish a study guide, devotional or otherwise theological work.

1. Sparse or no usage of the old testament

There are 66 books in the bible, not 27. To go into more detail, I’ll run the numbers. Some sources say the bible, I’m assuming King James version, has 773,692 words, of those, 592,439 are in the old testament, meaning that by skipping the old testament you skip around 77% or well in excess of 3/4ths of the bible. It would actually make more sense if the New Testament were less well known, however most people, even writers of Christian material, tend to know very little about the old testament aside from cute highly censored Sunday school lessons. (And of course the first two chapters of Genesis, thanks to the creationist movement.) I’m not looking for an analysis of every book in the Bible and if your devotional is specifically about Romans, I’ll adjust my sights accordingly, but this near fear of the grand majority of God’s written word needs to be addressed. I won’t drop a book cold for not bringing up the Old Testament, but I will deduct a point for it.

2. Mishandling of the concept of fate

“God has a wonderful plan for your life!” is not something most thinking people want to hear. How do modern Christians not get this? Sit down and think about the whole idea of predestination for just five minutes, really think about it. Does the idea of people who are NOT Christians being predestined for hell and damnation really appeal to ANY of your sensibilities at all? Does the idea that God plans out and forces every pin drop to occur, and then makes mere puppets accountable, really sound “wonderful” to you? A refusal to acknowledge that there is a problem with the concept of fate, especially one fully planned out to the finest detail, is alienating more than just non-believers, even some Christians are becoming desperate for an alternative belief. Opening your book with “It is so wonderful that God has a plan special for every life!” and then acknowledging the existence of HELL, is kinda like saying to some people “Remember your mother who never got saved? God planned specifically for her to go to hell and suffer for all eternity for reasons only He will ever truly know. Isn’t that wonderful?”. Look, I’m not a Calvinist, to say the least, I believe in a Great Plan for mankind, and even special destinies for some individuals, I just don’t think the plans are anywhere near that detailed. However even if you do believe in absolute predestination, you have to realize, the eternal plan is NOT a major selling point of the Christian religion any more than the Israelites decimating the entire Canaanite region to make a home for themselves, sells Judaism. Fate can be addressed, but it should be explained with care, not used to attract people. If you’re not sure what could possibly attract people to Christianity without using the “God has a plan for your life” line… maybe you should do some soul searching on why YOU are a Christian, and yet know so little about the belief.

3. Seldom referencing more than one verse from the bible at a time

The longest verse in the bible is Ester 8:9 at a whopping total of 81 words. The longest chapter is Psalm 119 at 2672 words. Which sounds like it might have more content? Can anyone tell me the point in summing up an entire chapter in one verse, especially if no one is meant to read the entire chapter to know why the verse was a good summary in the first place? I understand why preachers and ministers use single verse references, reading a whole chapter, or even just a whole section of a chapter out loud could take a good fifteen minutes of your half hour speech, but what’s the point if you’re writing a book, and not even copying the text into it? Why not just say what the context of a verse is or give references longer than a single sentence? Just in the interest of doing less work one would think it would be easier to speak on a longer passage than a shorter one. I’m sorry, but I just don’t see how this kind of bashfulness about reading more than a few sentences of God’s word at a time, or presenting more than a few sentences, can be called anything but disrespectful.

4. Dubious doctrinal statements

I have my theories on the Bible, and some people have opposing views, but there comes a time when I have to roll my eyes and say “no… just no”. Statements like “every religion is right!” or “Christians who don’t sing hymns and sing mostly praise songs are paving the way for the anti-Christ”-no… just no. There’s a point at which, no matter how heart felt or wonderful you can make your ideas sound, or how educated you can make yourself sound, you’re just being, well… “wrong” is the nicest way to put it. So wrong it’s obvious and you should be called on that point itself. I don’t claim to be the arbiter of Biblical wisdom, but I can call “bunk” when I see it.

5. Claims of divine inspiration

Why oh why, doesn’t this go without saying? If God spoke to you directly and dictated a book to you, IT WOULDN’T NEED PROOF READING! Get a clue, not every book worth reading was written by the Almighty Himself, most likely, yours included. In the old days, claiming divine inspiration meant your book should either be accepted as absolute fact, or burned because the author is a blasphemer. If God did not tell you to write or say something, don’t say He did. I will accept that God may have “lead” you to write or say something, which essentially means you had a pleasant feeling about it that may or may not have had supernatural origin, but saying that God told you something specifically should carry some weight. If I feel the need to shout “PROVE IT!” at a book after so many claims of divine inspiration… yea I’m probably not going to finish it, let alone review it.

6. Bad information about other religions passed on as fact

This may come as a shock to many people, but Mormons do NOT believe that black people are the result of demons being mixed into spirit babies. “Who would ever be surprised by that?” a non-believer might ask. Welcome to modern Christianity my friend. There are large groups of Christians who seem to be of the attitude that no matter our insipid, stupid or outrageous what they’re saying is, as long as they’re saying it about someone outside of their particular Christian group, it’s okay. No, atheists do not favor genocide as a solution to over population. No, if I see anything along the lines of this crap I will neither finish nor review your book.

7. Ultimately useless or ambiguous morals

“The reason your life is so hard to understand and feels so wrong, is because you’re not in God’s will!” A thousands versions of this statement are strewn throughout Christian literature, yet I defy any one of those authors to give me satisfactory explanation for what on earth it actually means. Just how does one know “God’s will”? And what is supposed to happen when we do live in “God’s will”? Will all of our taxes spontaneously be paid or something? Will all the mysteries of life suddenly reveal themselves? See if I believed in absolute predestination this is actually quite a ridiculous statement, as living outside God’s will would then be absolutely impossible, however even as I don’t, it’s too ambiguous to help with anything in life. How about telling people the reason they feel a loss of control over their finances is because they’re not saving their money and spending it only on the things that are valuable? The Bible does speak on such things after all. Why not tell parents that the reason they can’t get through to their children is because they refuse to discipline them? Why instead repeat sayings and proverbs that don’t mean anything and just temporarily make people feel good, as though the Christian faith were nothing more than a series fortune cookie sayings? Again, I won’t toss your book away immediately upon seeing this, but I will deduct a point for it.

8. Poor representations of opposition doctrines passed on as factual

Look, I’m not an Open Theist either, but no, they never say God has no divine authority, they just say His knowledge of the future is limited. The Catholic Church does not say the Pope is a god, he’s just the head, in fact there are seven popes that they openly admit never should have been given the position. Do some homework if you’re going to comment on other people’s beliefs. If I see something like this, I WILL put down your book and not pick it up again upon seeing it once. I’m sick and tired of believers being set at each other’s throats.

9. Statements about non-believers that make them seem inhuman

Galatians 5 gives an explanation of the fruit of the spirit. A simple math problem of sorts in 1 John 4 is given that you will know the children of God by their fruit. These passages are often combined by Christians to not only to say that you can spot a fake Christian by his actions, but that non-believers also must not be able to produce the fruits of the spirit because they do not know God the way we do. Just to clarify, the fruits of the spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. The bible never says anything along the lines of “non-believers cannot have these emotions or behave these ways with a genuine spirit”. Once you say non-believers can’t love or even be kind, essentially you have just said they aren’t even human. I suppose then it only makes sense that some believers never question when they’re told that atheists want to allow human experimentation, they don’t think of atheists as human in the first place. No wonder burning people at the stake was once justified. Non-believers are human and I refuse to read something that tells me they can’t even have basic human emotions or even be nice people. Really, with believers that push this kind of crap, do we really even need a devil anymore?

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Being an individual who feels a love for God and the Bible, but that the mainline of Christianity abandoned intelligent interpretation of the word long ago, I actually had to think rather hard about what I would be looking for that would be GOOD. I have to remember that as a reviewer, I have to be open to a work being acceptable, meaning I have to think about what I would actually appreciate. Thus here we go:

1. Actual uplifting material

Give people a hope for a better after life than their current situation. Tell them about a God that loves them personally, regardless of their beliefs, and who is willing to give them a chance regardless of the mode of their life up until now. Tell people that they can change for the better and give them the tools to do so. In other words, tell people things that will actually attract them to our beliefs and actually stand a chance at making them really listen to what you’re saying because they want to, not because they’re afraid not to.

2. Correctly using scripture

Give complete references from both the new and old testament as appropriate. Don’t twist the words of God to say what you want them to say. Be faithful and tell people the truth, even if you know they’re not going to like it.

3. Obvious intelligent study into at hand subject matter

Mao had no ties to atheism, even though yes, denying freedom of religion and mass persecution of the religious continues to be his legacy. No, atheists en-mass do not support mass murder. However many psychiatrists have found a connection between the belief in serving a higher power, I.E., God, and the ability to modify and control one’s behavior. As though having a meaning and purpose beyond oneself is a true driving force, a driving force that has to have a cause. Instead of trying to make people scared of a specific person or groups for made up reasons or loosely connecting ideas, why not use history and let the real patterns behind events speak for themselves? Do some real research and use it to guide, not scare.

4. Allowing the reader to think for himself

I was going to say that “scaring people into believing” was a big no, no, for me, however that’s actually the purpose behind many of the things I object to, so that would have been redundant. The reason for passing along scary stories about opposing groups and for dehumanizing them, is to make not believing what you believe seem like a horrible idea and scary itself. Essentially, “the Nazi’s hated Christians” (in actuality Hitler had no real problems with the Church and was able to endear himself to many faiths, like many conquerors before him, such as Alexander the Great) and “so do Atheists!” and eventually “Nazi’s were atheists!” translates to “you can’t dislike Christians, or you’re a Nazi or at least like them!”. Truth is, and thank God for this, a lot of people don’t respond well to attempts to herd them like sheep, trying to scare them in the right direction. Telling people that what you’re saying came from God Himself is also a way of trying to control people. Look, unless God really did speak to you, or unless you really did find a massive conspiracy connection between the atheists and the Nazis, how about telling people what’s on your mind for them to hear and using your research to guide them to the truth and show them the light in an honest fashion? I will recognize good research.

5. Unambiguous message that can actually be applied to a real person’s life

No more dumb sayings and proverbs that aren’t even from the Bible, or verses taken out of context that sound nice by themselves, but ultimately don’t say anything. How about giving people real financial advice and giving them real ideas about adding meaning to their lives. Telling someone to “walk in God’s will and thus find their meaning in life” means nothing, where as telling someone that giving to the needy actually helps them feel better about themselves, and suggesting how to do that on a regular basis without breaking the bank, gives a person a means of improving his life and the lives of others in a positive way that you can bet God would be behind.

6. Treats non-believers like actual people even if the book is not written for them

Non-believers are not aliens. For that matter, believers are not aliens. There is no genetic difference between Christians and non-Christians. When telling people how to approach non-Christians, how about telling them to treat them like actual people? How about not trying to convince Christians to be afraid of one group or another, and simply behave like Jesus did, deliberately consorting with the lowest of the low or the most hated, or those in power, or even the everyday person? How about telling Christians to freely talk to wiccans, even about their beliefs, (after all, you want to talk about yours) and just not take part in séances?

7. Acknowledge life has other missions besides spreading the gospel

Usually I have no problem with Christians trying to spread the Gospel, no matter how off that Gospel is from how I understand it (though if you’re too far off in one direction I may have an issue). I also accept that most Christian works are going to have that mission at their center. However one thing that bothers me is Christians failing to talk about our mission to help the needy, to encourage moral standards in society at large, to educate, to defend, to assist the impaired, etc, etc, etc. There are so many things God admonishes us to do in the Bible, not the least of which is the Great Commission, but it is not the only commission. Am I the only one who notices that most of Jesus’ miracles were focused on satisfying mortal needs?

8. Acknowledging BOTH the human and God elements of fate, if the subject is brought up (usually it is)

Predestination is a popular subject and has to be addressed. However one should realize that they’re not talking about the fates of characters on a TV show, but rather the destinies of human beings. It’s hard to understand why bad things are allowed to happen, even if you’re like me and DON’T necessarily think God is always directly responsible. Whatever God does or does not force or allow, His ultimate role cannot be denied. Not everything about destiny is pleasant, not every piece of God’s plan for mankind is wonderful, indeed some elements are fearful. Address the issue with maturity.

9. Respect shown to opposing doctrinal beliefs

Even if you are looking to prove Open Theists wrong, how about having your sources be people who actually have beliefs in that area? How about, even if you are trying to ultimately discredit Day Age Creationists, you still speak well of their studies and of their lives as believers? How about, and I know I’m going out on a limb with this one, NOT bringing up opposing beliefs simply to prove them wrong, but rather acknowledging what Christians around the world are doing for good, regardless of whether they believe in Calvinism or a limited God? How about you, as a Baptist, acknowledge the good work of a missionary sent by the Presbyterian church, or even, dare I say it, suggest people support him?

Of Rust and Rain Review

Of Rust and Rain by Tony Colina

Webaddress

All I can say is, WOW. I have a new favorite. Not only is it a well told story, but it is an original one told in a unique way with a very unique writing style.

What irks me is this, I know this story isn’t flying to the top of the editing pile for a reason, and I know what that reason is, but what I don’t know is what to suggest to the writer to overcome. The writer here uses a very different writing style than most people are used to seeing. The style uses a rhythm and tries to add an almost poetic feel to the narrative, without actually being a poem or series of poems. Really describing this fails because I have never actually seen anyone pull this style off before. Like the book was written in the style of some old country songs, the ones that told stories like “Devil Went Down to Georgia” by the Charlie Daniels band (without the rhyming scheme of course).

The issue here though is with first impressions. Today the word “different” when coupled with “writing” tends to be synonymous with “pretentious”. Seldom is the writer, these days, which goes out of his way to write in a unique style, who isn’t trying to make a point about how insipid he thinks the art of writing has become, and often this is proved, by writing in a unique style, and purposely sucking at it. Yes, many people have asked for something unique, but they want it to be good on its own merits, rather than the book form of Kazimir Malevich’s “Black Square”, something that in its own right is unimaginative and dull, but you have to like it because otherwise intellectuals will call you dumb.

However this story tells a sci-fi fantasy story that could work with other writing styles, using the unique style to make the story stand out even more than it would have on its own, and actually it would have stood out on its own just fine. The narrative is present and suspenseful, there is character development, detailed backstories, intrigue, sexual overtones and even gore. The writer does not appear to be trying to “make a statement about modern writing” rather just wanting to share a good story in an intriguing way.

Now to the score. The story scored 9 out of 10 regular points, which means in my mind says it is publishing material. I can’t suddenly change the scoring and give a bonus for style (though I wish I could) though I can give 1 bonus point for a few very memorable characters. In total out of a full twelve possible points that it receives a solid 10. It is the third story out of nine to score this high. (Remember, I only review the ones that hit at least 7.)

As to objectionable material… oh dear. -2 for a natural and realistic amount of blood spilling. -2 or even -3 for scenes of direct torture. (Yes, to the level that normally I would have stopped reading, if I didn’t understand the story to be condemning the behavior and not embellishing it.) -3 for characters both good and evil being killed. -3 for many sexual encounters and not of a romantic kind either. -1 for an element of horror. However in the end everything presented was presented with the purpose of making you NOT like the bad guys and making you take pity on the victims. It made it feel like what I was reading was necessary to understand the horrible things that were happening in this world. However with a score of -12 out of -25… yea, this isn’t a bed time story.

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Of Rust and Rain is fantasy sci-fi story told in a unique rhythmic writing style. The characters and story lines will stick with you long after you put the book down and the writing style, though different, is NOT hard to adapt to over time. Do give the story a chance even if you are caught off guard by not seeing the traditional five sentence paragraphs. Rare is the person who can speak in rhythm and tell a several chapter story, but Tony pulls this off beautifully.

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Plug for author out of the way, and here we go.

Warning: Spoilers may be ahead.

Full scoring explanation

1. Spelling/Grammar

Score: ¾

Here comes the hard part about rating a story so uniquely written. Sometimes I would come across words that seemed to be misplaced, but not really being used to the writing style, I wasn’t sure which perceived misplacements were actually mistakes, and which ones were just part of the writing style. The author here is going to have to search high a low for a good editor, because spotting bad grammar in a story that doesn’t use convetional grammar rules isn’t going to be easy.

2. Interesting Plot

Score: 1

I really can count off on one hand the number of sci-fi fantasy stories I’ve read and enjoyed written with a rhythmic writing style. 1. This one. More to the point though, the story of the man taking in an abused child and protecting her, set in a fantasy setting is played very well here. The villain has a very interesting and disturbing back story, and his rival, Queen, is also built up very well. The plot itself is very simple to describe, yet wonderfully complex in execution.

3. Good Direction

Score: 1/2

Oh dear. Well yes, most of the story was great, top notch, wonderful and all that. However there is one scene I would strongly recommend fixing a little before presenting this to a publisher. In one scene Queen and Big Daddy seem to have some kind of psychic battle. After which the lady, Queen, is found mauled by dogs and reported dead. She then shows up again, alive and unharmed (this story’s definition of unharmed anyway) with no explanation as to what happened in the intervening time. This is why the story couldn’t break beyond a score of ten, even with a bonus point.

4. Author Interest

Score: 1

The author tries very hard to promote this story and follows up on read trades from what I can see.

5. Believable Main Characters

Score: ¾

This is another slight problem area. Usually I don’t mind characters being embellished and overdone a little to highlight their attributes. However the dark theme with which these characters tend to be stricken is sometimes too much. Does ANYTHING good EVER happen to these poor people? Big Daddy does not seem to have any real motive for his behavior, besides a general affinity for evil that was bred into him for no ascertainable reason. Queen and Hazelnut do not seem to have had any pleasant memories at all. I did understand McArtrey, and though his story was rather grim, he really did feel like a real person in mourning. He had good and bad memories, likes and dislikes and even was able to have a chuckle here and there in his current life. His wife seemed a little on the perfect side, however she was being remembered post mortem, which in real life can tend to make a person seem entirely unblemished.

6. Likable Main Characters

Score: 1 + 1 bonus

Being memorable does not mean I would like to meet a certain person. In this case Big Daddy, though he was pretty one dimensional, actually stuck out very well. He was a sadistic warlock who was so twisted in his every deed that you could easily call him a manifestation of the devil himself. Also McArtrey was a great protagonist, being in constant mourning over his wife perhaps, but having a life, memories and drive, beyond just that mourning. It’s rare that an author can pull off both a strong sense of loss in a person, as well as a sense of… well still being a person.

7. Likable Side Characters

Score: 1

The key to side characters, as I’ve said before, is making them sound like they’re people with lives that exist outside the narrative. They have feelings, reactions, and histories of their own that we get glimpses of when we see them. None of the key side characters felt like they just filled a role and then exited the story, never to be heard from or cared about again. In fact, a few to them the story could have followed them for a time.

8. Good Scene Descriptions

Score: 1

This is where many rhythm based stories fall apart, description. Describing action and emotion in a rhythm is easy, as those things can be described several ways and they’re elements feel in flux anyway. However a series of stationary objects that are fixed in nature are difficult to describe, as they’re fixed. However this writer pulls off describing homes and environments without “missing a beat”.

9. Targeting

Score: 1

It’s hard to tell who this story is specifically targeted at, but probably a more artistic crowd. After all, many people really aren’t interested in a completely new writing style, and those who are, are generally looking to have a new kind of story to go along with it. That being said both the story and the style in which it is written are both unique, so this audience should be satisfied.

10. Broad Appeal

Score: 1

While the story is told in a unique way, takes some chances in its subject matter to make itself feel unique and in all is a story you’ve not likely heard before, it is sci-fi fantasy in the end. In other words this isn’t a novelization of Edgar Allen Poe, meaning a good portion of readers just won’t get what it’s about. This is a story written about the modern world, using modern English, common ideologies and even themes that normal people will easily understand. Anyone, if they could sit down and look past the unique writing style (and provided they were over the age of 18, considering the violence), could enjoy this story.

In Transit Review: The Devil of Black Bayou

In Transit review:
Note: An “In Transit” review is a story I feel is still “on its way”. This simply means a production isn’t complete or is in need of a rewrite. It also means I’m likely to revisit the story if it gets a rewrite.

The Devil of Black Bayou by Jeffrey LeBlanc

http://www.authonomy.com/books/40163/the-devil-of-black-bayou/

This story is a classic example of what many writers talk about when they say “less is more”. That’s not to be insulting, because this story is wonderful. It’s highly descriptive, it has a very large variety in its vocabulary, and the author endeavors very hard to keep the reader on track with events despite a complex and involved story with several elements. At the end though, it’s too much. The descriptions don’t need to be as long as they are, as often they start to become confusing, the variety of words used often feels awkward, as characters in early colonial times using the term “fuck” right alongside period appropriate language and simple page break transitions could be used to keep the reader up on changes in setting rather than constant in text reminders that the current story is part of a flash back or dream. This is a story that looks like it was very hard to write, however it was also harder to read than it needed to be. Perhaps this is the harder thing for a writer to do, but in my opinion, Jeffery should be more concerned about what to take out at this point than what to put in. 

That being said, the writing style itself is very promising. The world is dark and well imagined, the tone is steady, the action intense and very little occurs “off camera” (meaning nothing happens as part of a history lesson, we see all past events play out ourselves in scene). The varied language, beautiful descriptions and huge variety of elements creates much to love. To tell the truth, what has to go or be fixed is often structural in nature, the story itself being amazing. 

This is another story that was actually inherently pretty good, so it scored rather high. Again I must reiterate that a score below 9 means a story needs serious revision in my mind. The final score is 8.25 with zero bonus points, so 8.25 out of a possible 12 points. 

As to objectionable material, this is a dark story of monsters, thus there was much many people may not find appropriate. There are curse words used, but to be honest I’ve never felt justified in rating a story as objectionable because a character says a word that is currently called “dirty” and tomorrow will be considered everyday language. -2 for a natural amount of blood coming from people’s wounds, possibly -3 considering some scenes had an excess of that. The main vampire character is sometimes subjected to torture, however it’s not of a graphic nature if you think about it so I’ll call that a -2 as well. Good and bad characters frequently die giving a -3 score. There were several sexual encounters earning a -3. Evil ideas are brought up and it’s easy to sense that the author intends the reader to sometimes get a kick out of them, giving a -3. Adding up to a -14, no, this is not a children’s story to say the least.

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The Devil of Black Bayou is a thrilling and imaginative vampire story with haunting supernatural overtones and a vast mythology and world to get lost in. It is very dark, but not in a particularly depressing manner. The story successfully makes you feel for a character who is ultimately despicable and evil without getting excessively preachy about pretending to change moral outlooks. Really this is a great story that takes cues from classic horror.

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Now that I’ve given the author a plug he can use if he likes, here’s the meat of the review.

Warning: Spoilers may be ahead.

Full scoring explanation.

1. Spelling/Grammar

Score: ½

Here is the first stumbling block of the story. The writer makes many flat out mistakes, but usually unless this happens excessively often, I don’t make a big deal out of it. Unfortunately this is coupled with a tendency for trying to use bigger words or more offensive language, perhaps to elicit a bigger response from the audience. 

 

I think the author needs to understand that for most people, especially those without any real compulsions about them, expletives don’t carry a special meaning. If a scene is not dramatic without the usage of the word “fuck” then it won’t be made dramatic when it’s added. Why do I care? Because when the main character flashes back to the eighteen or seventeen hundreds I should not see the word “fuck” printed at all because that word wasn’t even in common enough use to be in the dictionary until 1972 making the characters in these flash backs incredibly well read vulgar pirates and commoners.

Also more heavy impact words like “omnipotent” are used in place of more general and commonly used terms like “all-powerful” that would have been just fine. If Satan is “all-powerful” in the story, that just means he has ridiculous power and authority. If he’s “omnipotent” that denotes that him being outdone by God, who the story places him at war with, is conceptually impossible. Look, put aside religious debate on whether the concept of omnipotence or omniscience makes sense in the first place, does an “omnipotent” being desperately trying to undermine a more powerful opponent work even on a conceptual level? 

 

To quote Orwell “Never use a long word where a short one will do.”

A minor problem, but one that will still get noticed, is the lack of any real pattern for chapter length. Often one chapter will only be about five pages in length, only to be followed by one that must be forty. Why the disparity is never clear as sometimes a chapter will encompass an entire flash back and sometimes a flash back will be spread over three chapters. The writer should understand that some people use chapters as mile markers in reading, wanting to read one chapter a day. However with this book that means some days you’ll be reading for two hours, and others you’ll only read for about five minutes with no real explanation as to why. Unless there is a reason for it to not be so, chapter lengths should be relatively equal (without creating jarring pauses of course).

2. Interesting Plot

Score: 1

Actually the plot here was excellent. I’ll say it again, the story was dragged down by structural problems but the story itself was great! Elements like a vampire slowly turning the inhabitants of an island into monsters, and actually explaining how this happens rather than just accepting that it does like other stories. Also including multiple monster mythologies such as Leviathan and werewolves without losing track of the real creatures we’re supposed to be following, vampires. I do personally love having a vampire that is not portrayed as a sexual predator but actually a legitimately powerful and intimidating creature. Also the desire to feed on blood is given an original explanation rather than another attempt to liken it to a heroin addiction.

3. Good Direction

Score: ½

This is another problem area. There are two main issues with direction in this story, period inappropriate references, and constant jarring references to future events in the middle of flashbacks. Later on the story also has a huge problem with perspective writing.

I understand WHY the vampire Voltaire is able to make a reference to something from the 1970s when speaking about events in the eighteen hundreds, after all according to the story he was alive in both time periods. However it’s still jarring to be mid flash back to a horse and buggy era and have the narrator suddenly make a comparison to a modern era singing group. It’s like comparing a pair of ravenous wolves ripping apart live prey, to a pair of five year olds harmlessly wrestling with their pet sheep dog. Perhaps you can see how the comparison is drawn, but it’s still incredibly inappropriate and takes you out of the moment. If a modern character is making comparisons about past events he should compare them strictly to things in that time period, or things existing in the time period he is narrating from. In other words, it seems appropriate to compare a horse and buggy to a car perhaps, but not a 1966 Rambler when the narrator is speaking from the year 2012. 

 

The thing that I actually found the most off putting about this story was the complete abandonment of simple page breaks for transitions. Instead the author would constantly have the narration remind us that a vampire is talking when speaking about his human years, or that the girl he is just meeting for the first time in the flash back, will soon become his wife, and she will be brutally killed and become his motivation for joining the legions of the undead, but for now she’s twelve and talking to a sea turtle. Mostly the writer needs to keep events in his story straight and stop referencing ahead of himself, whether jumping ahead in real time, or in story time. Slow down and tell the story sequentially, using foreshadowing sparingly, IF AT ALL. 

 

Finally, in the last quarter or so of the story the vampire character Voltaire continues to narrate during scenes that his character is no present for and has no known surveillance of. Even if this could somehow be explained he goes so far as to tell the reader the inner thoughts and feelings of characters. Again, he narrates the feelings of characters during events he is NOT present for. This keeps striking me as flat out impossible and really the writer should think about changing persepective, or changing to third person, or not telling us peoples thoughts whilst writing in an excuse for why Voltaire knows what’s going on, anything but simply treating a first person perspective piece like a third person omniscient piece.

4. Author Interest

Score: 1

The author of this story actively promotes it and even promotes himself in order to get attention for it. He outright volunteered to work on a chapter of the Traveler series to try to let his talents show, and I must say, I would love to take him up on that offer after seeing these results.

5. Believable Main Characters

Score: ¾

Really Voltaire is a fantasy style vampire and being believable is frankly impossible. He has desires, that while very well explored, are completely alien to the human experience. This is as it should be of course, as Voltaire is not supposed to be human. Voltaire has motivations that originate in human emotion, but are justified by supernatural means. Again, I don’t see this as a bad thing, Voltaire is a fictious character, there is no reason why he shouldn’t feel that way. He’s not phony, and if I could be made to believe in vampires, perhaps I could be made to believe that this truly is how they behave and why.

6. Likable Main Characters

Score: 1

Getting the reader to sympathize with a character the writer himself believes is evil is not easy to pull off. Especially when the writer, like in this story, never really tries to make an appeal that his character is completely insane. Voltaire even seems to know that killing is wrong and even has a sense of morality. He is evil, he is aware of it, perhaps he could fight it, but he doesn’t. As we explore his reasons for doing so, the writer doesn’t try to force us to believe he has no alternative. Voltaire is between a rock and a hard place in a supernatural sense, either betraying his values, or damning himself and erasing his chances at seeing his wife again. However this is still a choice and he still makes it. He’s not dumb, he’s not insane, he’s just real.

7. Likable Side Characters

Score: 1

This story must have some twenty or so side characters. And while the majority of them do die in inventive ways, they’re not just meat sacks to serve as an unending line of cannon fodder. Most of the victims in the story that we spend more than a few minutes with have stories to tell of their own meaning we either miss them when they go, or are rooting for their demise to be as painful as possible because they’re creeps. This is how horror should be written in my opinion. It’s just not scary if I don’t care what happens to the characters. Kind like in Star Wars when the only person we feel for when a planet blows up, is Obi Wan because he had a feeling of unease. He and Lea were the only people hurt that we knew anything about. You knew the people who died here, and not because they were cliché’s, they weren’t, because you spent time reading about them and how they lived.

8. Good Scene Descriptions

Score: ½

This was another problem area. Sometimes it felt like the writer would go on describing one creature for three or four paragraphs. Unless knowing what a character looks like on a detailed level is important, if the devil looks like an evil Satyr, just say that or something more effective along those lines. Truly a description of a character or scene CAN go on for several paragraphs, but as a rule of thumb, when it does, it should be interspersed with dialog or story. Sometimes the writer will want to get descriptions out of the way, in which case they should be quick and to the point, however if he wants to go into detail, allow the reader to feel like he’s examining the character or scene over time, not taking in a massive amount of detail all at once. To be honest I’ve seen classic and even contemporary published work that has descriptions that seem too long or too short to me. Really there’s a balance and this story seems to swing towards the excessive. Perhaps though if the other issues were fixed, this would not bother me as much, as I really did love some of the descriptions. It was just hard to concentrate between the wrong word usage issues and excessive flashing forward and backward simultaneously.

9. Targeting

Score: 1

This is a horror story that gets things right. For once it could be considered both scary AND a story. It’s not just an excuse to watch blood fly everywhere, even though that does happen. True, I’ve read and seen scarier, but that’s not the point. Can the story stand on its own merits for the people reading it? Yes. This story reads like an old monster story written in a classic style, which is something vampires buffs will love. Also the de-emphasis on sexuality should appeal to the jaded horror enthusiasts still holding out for when vampires will be respectable monsters again and not just sex icons.

10. Broad Appeal

Score: 1

Actually this one is hard to call. I believe watchers of general fantasy horror will love this story even if vampires aren’t their main squeeze. However given the massive amount of violence and older writing style, many may wish to steer clear. The story is clearly intended for a more mature audience, not only mentally but education wise as well. Time will tell of course, but if this story were revised I see a real classic in the works here.