Hello all, is the "Authonomy Reviewer". No, I’m not officially
affiliated, but that would be great, wouldn’t it? Some of you may have already
seen that I am starting to do full reviews and you may be wondering, “Say, how
do I get someone to do a full review of my work?”. Sure couldn’t hurt right?
Well first thing’s first you have to demonstrate a go get em’ attitude but
beyond that, you need a manuscript that can cut the mustard.
These are four
things that when going over your manuscripts no one should ignore. I put them
in order from easiest to correct to hardest. Also by coincidence ordered from what will
get your book closed in frustration the fastest, to what COULD get it read, but
still will keep anyone from remembering what happened beyond finishing.
- 1. Bad Grammar:
PROOFREAD! Oh my goodness so many mistakes
are made here. And once you make enough of them, readers will have a hard time
getting past chapter one. The fastest way to catch errors yourself is to read
your story aloud, especially after each rewrite. Essentially once you turn in
your manuscript for public consumption, you should be so sick of reading it
over and over you almost don’t like it anymore. (ALMOST of course, it is your
story, so doubtful you will ever personally be sick of it right?)
I’ll do a quick rundown of what to look for while correcting
your manuscript. These are not the only mistakes one can make, but they for
some reason are the most common.
What to look for:
- Missing words:
Believe it or not, this is one of the most common errors I
see. Miss enough words and it’s anyone guess what you were trying to say. The quickest
way to catch this is to simply read your story aloud. I’ll say that again in
all caps so no one misses it, READ YOUR STORY ALOUD! I am constantly reading my
stories aloud for this very reason of missing words.
- Bad paragraph separations for speakers:
This is the easiest to understand and most rigid of all
rules involving paragraphs. If a different person is speaking, they get a
different paragraph. That’s it. Kids understand this one. So why is it so many
adults want to write full conversations between their characters, as a single
solid block of text?
If I don’t know who’s talking, I can’t understand the conversation
I’m reading, end of sentence. Most of the time I see this problem, it’s not a
mistake, it’s done on purpose and consistently. You are NOT being clever by
having two people talk in the same paragraph and you have not found an exception
to the rule. Yes, I understand in writing sometimes breaking the rules is called
for. This is one of those rules that you should NEVER break. It’s like suddenly
deciding that you’re going to spell the word “five” with an “o” instead of an “I”.
“Fove” will never be correct, it is not an exception and it will never make
sense. I find that most of the time when I see this paragraph separations
mistake, if I point it out, the author says I’m being a grammar Nazi. No, I’m
not, I’m just saying your story is unreadable.
- Not properly ending sentences:
Always be on the lookout for a sentence that you didn’t
properly finish or start. Remember, always end your quotes, use periods and
capitalize:
“I like ponies!” Janice said. She then turned to me.
Not
“I like ponies Janice said she then turned to me.
This is another one that is actually easily caught by
reading your story out loud. “How?” you ask? Forcing yourself to read aloud
slows down your reading rate. You wrote the story so you know what it’s
supposed to say before it says it. Reading a page aloud helps you hear and SEE
what is actually on it as opposed to what you know SHOULD be.
Again, look out for missing quotes, periods, exclamation
points etc, etc. We may be able to figure out what you meant at times anyway,
but it’s a glaring and very distracting mistake.
- Mega run-on sentences:
Generally speaking, it is correct to assume most folks won’t
notice if your sentence went on five more words than necessary. However when it
encompasses an entire paragraph, they will. This is another error I’ve seen
people insist was correct in THEIR case. If you have managed to write a sentence
that goes on for eight lines on a page with one inch margins, then I guarantee that,
no, you have not found the exception to the rule. A good rule of thumb using
modern computers is this; if your sentence manages to go much further than
three lines, it’s probably too long. If it’s too long, shorten it, don’t
justify it.
- Similar words:
This is very hard not to to. It’s like every tome I try to
wrote a sentence, I manage to write at least won wrong word. Again, this is
usually fixed by just reading your story aloud to yourself.
- What about those commas, semi-colons, paragraphs that aren’t properly structured, misuse of one of the forms of the word “to”?:
NO ONE CARES! Commas are for making a break in a sentence.
Throw them in where they sound appropriate when you read the sentence aloud.
Most of the time you’ll be right and if you’re not, most folks won’t notice. As
far as semi colons goes, no one really knows how to use them, so they won’t
pick on the fact that you missed one or two. As to proper paragraph structure,
again, most folks aren’t that savvy on them anyway, just don’t have one paragraph
that takes over half a page and usually you should be fine. Yes, the elementary
principles you caught on to in grade school are the ones most folks remember
and the ones that will kill your story. The ones you never could get, most
other folks never got either, don’t worry about it!
- 2. Bad Direction:
This one is much harder to catch. Does scene A, really lead
to scene B? By the time I’ve gotten to scene B, will I have understood the
basics of what just happened? How do you catch this problem yourself… you
really can’t. Your own story will always make perfect sense to you. This is
where you have to run your stories by another person. Generally speaking, bad
direction isn’t a huge problem in short stories, but in novels it’s a big one.
Good rule of thumb though, if a scene doesn’t go on for longer than a page by
itself, it generally doesn’t need to be there and will just cause confusion.
While bad direction is something that is not inherently difficult
for another person to catch, it’s nearly impossible for the writer himself.
This is a job for writing workshops like Critters that allow you to analyze
stories one chapter at a time, or even just a read from a friend. Don’t debate
if a scene makes sense to someone, generally speaking, the other person is
right. Exceptions are of course, if someone refuses to read chapter one and
says two doesn’t make sense, or tells you things must be written exactly as
they say or they just won’t work. Of course they’re most likely wrong in
that case. However if what they say is they don’t understand, they’re right,
they don’t and it’s your job to figure out how to fix that.
- 3. “Historical” writing:
That’s right folks, your story about a five hundred ton
robot ripping through the earth in a single night and ending life as we know
it, is boring! Why is it boring? Because you told it like a news reporter.
This is the principal of writing in scene. Most writing
professors get out a giant thesaurus and go over specific word usage at this
point. Scrap that. What you need to do is give us the play by play. Don’t write
that a fight “happened”, tell us EXACTLY how it happened. Tell us each blow as
it comes crashing onto another person’s head. Tell us about the blood flying
out of every severed limb as it comes painfully off. Tell us about the new
widow screaming into the dust, begging to see her husband again. Draw it out
and let us see the action. Notice how just speaking like that made you wonder
if I was about to tell an amazing story just there? That’s how you need to
write folks. As much as possible DO let us see your entire action scene, DO let
us see multiple warriors going at it and yes, DO let us see pieces of the
affair the terrible husband in your story had on his loving faithful wife. The depth
of what just happened will sink in so much further if we feel like we’ve
actually seen it. Our anger will be greater and our cheering all the louder.
Watch this:
__________________________________________
I entered the house and saw him, Jack Corn, the ghost of
Toonvale. He was hideous and terrifying, but I wasn’t scared. He attacked me
and we battled for a few moments, however in the end, I was finally able to
prevail using a fire extinguisher. He’ll know better than to mess with George
Crain, Phantom Hunter again, I tell you what!
Vs. this:
I walked through the house moving slowly down a long
hallway. Dust and fog began to slowly billow out of the doors around me. Behind
me a door flew open slamming into the wall. I spun around and there he stood. Slime
poured off his figure, drenching the floor in his thick purple ooze. On his
head were three horns, each twisted out. In his mouth each of his teeth were
actually serrated like he had two jaws full of steak knives. His body was
transparent, save for his glowing red eyes, the falling slime and his jagged
teeth.
“So…” I said, “You know you really should get that looked at…
what was your name again?”
“Jack Corn, Ghost of Toonvale. You have come to my realm and
now you will join my army of undead warriors. Pray to whatever god you serve,
for tonight, I dine on your blood!”
“Just one question. You’re gonna kill me right? And then you’ll
raise me back up for your army right?” the ghost nodded, “Won’t I then just be
the walking dead, not “undead”? Does the fact that I move when I’m dead really
make me “undead”? I mean really, when you think about it-“ the ghost opened his
mouth full of razors and flew at me as I ducked down. I ripped out my Smith and
Wesson .45, rolling to my right and unloaded several rounds into the apparition.
The bullets ripped through the wall
behind Jack, but did nothing to the ghost himself, just smacking through the
goo falling off his body. He turned and flew at me again, this time managing to
grab my left arm and drag me across the floor. He released my arm and I went
flying, crashing into a wall several feet away, my hand slamming into a fire
extinguisher. The ghost laughed at me.
That’s when it hit me. The ghost’s slime was not ethereal. It
manifested physically. The ghost opened
his mouth again and roared as he came at me. I ripped the fire
extinguisher off the wall and sprayed him, the slime on his body quickly forming
an icy shell and forcing him to crash into the floor. I kept spraying until I
finally was looking at a frozen ghost sickle. I then pulled out my .45 again. “Name’s
George Crain, Phantom Hunter, remember the name if you ever come back again.” I
fired, watching as the creature shattered like glass, flying over the floor of
the formerly haunted house.
__________________________________________
Yes, you can use that in your own story, why not?
Which story was longer? Which rendition was more fun to read
anyway? Don’t tell us THAT something happened, let us experience it. Leave out
words like “suddenly” that warn us something is going to happen and just write
what happens as it happens in your mind’s eye. Yes, this makes scenes longer,
but hey, you’re writing a novel right? Let it be long, and so let it be good!
What’s hard about this? If you’ve done it wrong, you have to
rewrite your entire story, there is no way around it.
- 4. Boring characters
Epic story up there right? Let’s see it again shall we, but
a little different this time:
__________________________________________
I walked through the house moving slowly down a long
hallway. Dust and fog began to slowly billow out of the doors around me. Behind
me a door flew open slamming into the wall. I spun around and there he stood. Slime
poured off his figure, drenching the floor in his thick purple ooze. On his
head were three horns, each twisted out. In his mouth each of his teeth were
actually serrated like he had two jaws full of steak knives. His body was
transparent, save for his glowing red eyes, the falling slime and his jagged
teeth.
“Jack Corn,” I said,
“Yes that’s me, Ghost of Toonvale. You will join my undead.”
“No I won’t!” I yelled back. The ghost opened his mouth full
of razors and flew at me as I quickly ducked down. I quickly pulled out my Smith
and Wesson .45, rolling to my right and unloaded several rounds into the apparition.
The bullets ripped through the wall
behind Jack, but did nothing to the ghost himself, just smacking through the
goo falling off his body. He turned and flew at me again, this time managing to
grab my left arm and drag me across the floor. He released my arm and I went
flying, crashing into a wall several feet away, my hand slamming into a fire
extinguisher.
That’s when I realized the ghost’s slime was not ethereal
but physical. The ghost flew at me
again. I ripped the fire extinguisher off the wall and sprayed him, the slime
on his body quickly forming an icy shell and forcing him to crash into the
floor. I kept spraying until the ghost was fully frozen. I then pulled out my
.45 again. I fired, watching as the creature shattered like glass, flying over
the floor of the formerly haunted house.
__________________________________________
Something’s wrong huh? Where’s the cartoonishly over the top
Jack? Where’s the cocky Phantom Hunter? It’s like half the fun of watching the
fight was just sucked out right? Two generic people fought each other, in the end
one got beaten and nothing of value was lost. It just happened. Insert any
other two characters with any other given
names or titles and the story would have read exactly the same. Sure the scene itself was
still a spectacle, but just not the same right?
Even exaggerated personalities are better than no
personalities at all! Who is this nut case that keeps telling people to rein in
the personalities of their characters because they’re not “believable” or “relatable”?
Guess what, a personality that is relatable and believable adds depth only if
it still manages to engage us. Whereas over the top characters like Ash in Army
of Darkness win out over generic “guys with guns” every time. Give your
character’s personality!
What’s so hard about correcting this? No one wants to
freaking listen. Your character is BORING and yes, it DOES matter. A fun or
terrible character gives us something to remember beyond the scene, a blank
character who just fills in the role designated to him and makes us forget the
story after we close the book. This means your book can be read, but it can’t
be remembered. And of course, this is very hard to catch, even for a reader who
is in fact, not the writer. If someone reports to you that something is wrong
with your story but they just can’t figure out what, 75% of the time that
probably means your character personalities didn’t leave enough of an impression.
Keep working on your character until you hear things like this,
“I couldn’t follow your story, but I did like Jack. Maybe
you should work on…“
Jack must be a good character! After all, liking him meant
more than picking apart your story, he’s gotta be good for that. I don’t know
any real tricks for this besides something called “character driven stories”. This
means the story doesn’t move forward without your characters making it. Let
adventures be dictated entirely by character whims, allowing you to develop
exactly how those whims work. Remember, if a character does not have a personal
reason to actually want to or especially not want to go somewhere, he really
shouldn’t go there. Motive, motive, motive. It’s the most important thing in a
crime investigation and it’s one of the most important things in story writing
ever. Give your character a motive! Motive is often the key to personality.
Whether your character acts in a way that seems opposite his natural motive, or
follows that motive determines who he must be as a person.
Beyond that, for a REALLY memorable character, make him act outside the bounds of what is necessary for the story. Jack's cocky personality was not necessary to tell the story of him fighting the ghost, however it added to it. It took up space, but it was space well used. Not EVERY character in EVERY story you write can be like this, some folks just don't talk or act out that much and if they all do, it can make the narrative seem crowded. Use this technique mostly on main characters.
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