Review: Daniel and the Sun Sword

Daniel and the Sun Sword by Nathan Lumbatis

Well here we are, another story with a score over 9, which means I’m almost contractually obligated to say the author should go straight to a publisher... well he could, I truly believe he could. However from my personal point of view there are a few issues I would recommend fixing before he goes to a publisher anyway. And as far as outright promoting this work personally... that’s in the air. Read the note at the end if you’re curious.

The story here was actually very exciting and well written, if a bit cliché. I’ve said it before on that end (if not here than somewhere else), if the clichés weren’t good, they wouldn’t be clichés, thus no, that isn’t a bad thing in my book. There are a few negatives in that, since the major plot points of the book were pretty easy to predict, but lest we forget that the journey is often more important than the destination. The characters were likeable when they were supposed to be and hate-able when they were meant to be and the message felt like it would win almost anyone over.

This is a Christian story and is as black and white as those stories often are. To be fair, I often enjoy a good straight forward story with no moral gray areas though, and really, there’s no undo amount of preaching. The story does talk about a lot of modern Christian doctrine at length, but avoids outright calling anyone a heathen or even coming close to criticizing other ideologies. Not to say that criticizing other faiths can never be done or done right, but this story seems meant to be have broad appeal and it pulls that off. It is not a 23 chapter sermon disguised as a children’s adventure.

How did the story fare rating wise? Well Mr. Lumbatis almost got a bonus point which would have gotten him a ten, but he lost it as the story went on, which is something I’ll address in the review body. Still, 9.25 out of twelve possible and zero bonus points means he did pretty well. Normally, I’d say he just needs a few grammar revisions at this point, but like I said before, there are a few issues he might like to address first.

As to the objectionable rating, here we go. As to gore, there is blood but very little, I’ll only give that a -1. There is also a number of mentions of child abuse and even torture, meaning I would have to give a -2 for innocent characters being subjected to punishment beyond criminal level, but never on camera to an extreme degree. As to violence, don’t ask me to explain exactly how, but this story manages to be themed around a war, but none of the characters in the story actually die, meaning again, only a -1. Finally, a -1 for ideology I take issue with (see note at the end). This goes to a total of -5 out of a possible -25. Generally a good read for slightly older children. (Really this is probably the same rating Lost and Found would have gotten were I to review it.)

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A classic story of good vs. evil with a Christian spin, Daniel and the Sun Sword is an enrapturing story that children will enjoy. While the story is pointedly Christian, there is nothing that most people would find all that objectionable, even if they’re not of that persuasion and the story can be objectively enjoyed. The characters are memorable, the story is fast paced and I had a hard time putting it down, despite being outside the target age range.

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And with the author plug out of the way, here are the details of how the score was decided:

Warning: Spoilers may be ahead.

1. Spelling/Grammar

Score: ¾

And here is where many people want me to get specific, but I rarely see a point. If something major in the story needs to be changed, then there’s little point in me pointing out grammar mistakes that may be rewritten. Mr. Lumbatis has a good command of his writing and though he does have the occasional mistake, it’s not enough to make anything hard to read, nor to suggest an actual problem that he himself could not track down after a few rereads. I would tell him to read the story aloud a few times and he should find most of them.

2. Interesting Plot

Score: 1

As I said, much of this story feels a little cliché. It’s a story where God chooses a series of champions to fight the devil, with your normal line up of the rebel, the abandoned and the middle class kid. No bonus points for guessing that the rebel turns out to have questionable allegiances or for guessing that the story centers on the abandoned kid’s journey to a better circumstance and acceptance of his past. Those things are par for the course, but the question is, are they pulled off in an interesting manner that you’ll want to read this version of the story of the trio of destined champions? Well yes actually. Daniel (the abandoned) is a relatable character and Ben (the middle class kid) is likeable as a person and sounds like he would be a good friend. Raylin (the rebel) does step off the straight and narrow, but not for unbelievable reasons and I was interested to see how she was won back over which... actually she wasn’t fully, which was probably the only really not so black and white ending to the story. The story is also open for obvious sequels and I would enjoy seeing those. The story is also very convincing in most of the messages it tries to put forth.

3. Good Direction

Score: 1

Actually this story’s logic and reasoning were very easy to follow. The pace of the story was just right, not moving without explaining things, or spending too much time on scenes that didn’t need to exist. Really despite not feeling much suspense, I still felt myself enjoying reading each page. There are a few mistakes, which I pointed out to the author already, but for the most part very little is out of place. (Those mistakes I would recommend the author fix before attempting to publish, as they were pretty bad mistakes, if not far reaching.)

4. Author Interest

Score: 1

Mr. Lumbatis actively promotes his book.

5. Believable Main Characters

Score: ¾

As with many stories of black and white, the characters can only be so believable. The main cast is believable for the most part, but other people are often laughably unrealistic. No one like the Gurges exists in real life, thank God, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying their nigh cartoon villain type abuse of Daniel in a slightly sadist light. (Get off your high horse if you laughed at Wile E Coyote, the abuse scenes were not that dark.) Most of the villains are straight up sadists or have ridiculously over inflated egos. At times these antagonist were funny, awesome and even scary. Who knows why, but we all love villains that can make us feel emotions about them, without feeling realistic. (Yes I believe in the devil, but no one really knows his motivations in real life, we only assume straight forward unsympathetic ones.)

6. Likable Main Characters

Score: 1

Now we get to my major reason for saying the author might want to do a rewrite. The writer pulled a Jar-Jar Binks. A main character who becomes very obnoxious, has no real power of his own to drive the plot and is constantly becoming a damsel in distress stand in. Ben. This actually drove me nuts as in the beginning of the story, almost every character was perfect, INCLUDING Ben. Daniel was believable and sympathetic, Raylin was a tough girl who was very useful in a fight and Ben was a kid with little skill or luck, but a heart of gold, determined to help people he didn’t even know despite his fear and inadequacies. However once the main plot got going, Ben’s determination went away and he became so terrified of even mostly benign things he would become physically ill. I got that this was supposed to set up a character arch for Ben, teaching the value of bravery but... it just didn’t work. Ben early in the story possibly risks life and limb to help Daniel escape abusive adoptive parents and even helps fight a 16 year old champion high school wrestler (himself only in junior high) when he has no talent at all for martial arts. He’s nervous through all of these events, but seems to have very little to learn about bravery. It feels more like the lesson concerning Ben should have been about true courage and recognizing that just because someone doesn’t have awesome powers or know martial arts, doesn’t mean they’re useless. However Ben WAS useless from that point on. Or maybe the lesson could have been that one needs to not be naive and prepare for bad things in life to happen. Ben could have learned a few martial arts moves and been woken up to just how much he needed to think about life outside the protective arms of his parents. However he just whined about wanting to go home for the entire journey. To Mr. Lumbatis, please, fix this character, I LIKED him in the beginning. I felt like he was being picked on and I wanted to defend him. Despite my disappointment with Ben, I loved the other characters and felt the villains were just the right level of awesome. The author maintains a good score here, if only because he sacrificed the bonus point he almost got.

7. Likable Side Characters

Score: 1

This story had several side characters, but they weren’t just window dressing. Everyone in the story had a personality and a life beyond just the main story. (Aside from Daniel as this was HIS story so his life was pretty much contained therein. Still had great personality.) The author even avoided having characters show up just be killed or injured to show how buff his baddies were. Bad, good and neutral, all of the side characters were interesting to read and a few of them could have had books of their own.

8. Good Scene Descriptions

Score: 1

Mr. Lumbatis was great at describing different settings and objects. At times I felt like I was watching a movie, but one not directed by Michal Bay. I could understand what things were supposed to look like, even when the writer was having massive explosions go off and epic battles.

9. Targeting

Score: 1

This is a story targeted directly at young Christian audiences. That being said, its doctrine was pretty on the nose and mainstream so I think most Christian parents would approve it. It was also enjoyable in its own right, and had enough action and comedy to keep younger minds engaged.

10. Broad Appeal

Score: ¾

As I said this story is exciting, not condemning of other religions in tone and just all around fun. However its doctrine is very on the nose and if you understand certain doctrines and don’t agree with them, you’re going to find yourself having serious problems. This story does not allow for wiggle room, even on minor points. This is a category which I would strongly suggest the author think about. The story would probably fair better allowing things to be more general, just telling a story similar to Christianity, like the Chronicles of Narnia, that just hits the major points.

Note:

The views expressed in the following are the heart felt beliefs of the author of this blog and each person can take or leave them as he wishes.

Like I said earlier, I have a personal problem with this story. One that I can’t in good conscience ignore to the point of total unbiased promotion. Again, since the story does not allow for wiggle room, demanding that its doctrines are RIGHT, I myself have a problem. The story insists that nothing in life occurs without a purpose, more specifically eluding to the idea that God Himself plans everything. I seriously disagree.

If anyone is interested, my full opinion on absolute fate is on the next blog entry. The entry is not to be seen as a condemnation or refutation of anything Mr. Lumbatis has said to me himself, simply a cross examination of a doctrine he promoted in his book. Do no read on if you do not wish to see someone challenge the doctrine that God plans out everything ahead of time, or wish not to feel the need to question it yourself. You have been warned.