In Transit Review: Ikuista: The Fade of Dawn

In Transit review:
Note: An “In Transit” review is a story I feel is still “on its way”. This simply means a production isn’t complete or is in need of a rewrite. It also means I’m likely to revisit the story if it gets a rewrite.

 

Ikuista: The Fade of Dawn by  Myunique Green

http://www.authonomy.com/books/43041/ikuista-the-fade-of-dawn/

Ikuista is a good example of a story that was otherwise classic and imaginative, which had one major element holding it back. To be honest, I think the reason this element is missing isn’t because the author doesn’t understand the element itself, but it seems like she’s trying to estimate how this element might be used if her book was a story that an actual person would tell. Either that or she was so wrapped up in the action element that she didn’t want to slow down for a perceived boring task. The element she misses is descriptions. The characterizations are interesting, the actions scenes are fluid and the concepts are widely imaginative, but what any one item, person or scene looks like the reader generally isn’t told. Offhand the writer is pretty good at drawing the reader in by making him actively curious about what’s going on, and the pay offs for many scenes really are worth the buildup and rather unpredictable.

Finally, I have to say this, even if it is a point that doesn’t make the story good or bad, the author may wish to pick a title that is easier to pronounce.

Upfront, the total score of the story was 8.5 out of 12, meaning no bonus points and 8.5 regular points. The author here is actually pretty strong in most categories and if not for her misstep, this would have been one of the better stories I’ve read on authonomy. However missing one key category meant the story hit a glass ceiling. I have full confidence this glass ceiling can be broken, and really would love to see the result when it is, so yes, the author could look me up to review a second time.

As to the objectionable rating… I really can’t tell. I’ve read four chapters out of what I’m sure is a twenty chapter story and I can see this is going to be a violent story but I don’t know how violent. The author does not seem to be afraid to show her characters seriously and even fatally injured which means -2 for a realistic amount of blood given a violent premise (no attempts to shelter the audience) and -2 for a strong indication that the lead characters killed a bad guy. -4 in all. I can’t tell if the story is going to be realistic enough to allow for good characters to die as well, but it doesn’t look like that would be outside the author’s ability to write. Myunique seems to like giving battle a realistic feel, as though both sides are at stake. Really this is my kind of story in that regard, but you’ll have to make your own minds up in that respect.

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Funny name, good story. The Fade of Dawn is an action fantasy story where two siblings meet up with a world of magic and super powers. Really the story plays out like a fantasy version of the X-Men and the writer is not afraid to take her audience seriously while having fun. One can tell that a great comic book like novel is in the works here, one that looks like it will be interesting to follow as it evolves.

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1.      Spelling/Grammar

Score: ¾

I’d be pretty hard pressed to say this story was written by an English professor, as the author makes a few tense mistakes and otherwise grammar mistakes, but generally there aren’t enough of them to make a difference in readability and they’re usually easy to understand and correct as well. No significant complaints here.

2.      Interesting Plot

Score: 1

A prophesied child is set to free a mystical world and two siblings are caught up in a wild game of super powers. Exactly how these two elements go together I’m not sure yet as, again, only 4 out of what I’m guessing is 20 chapters is actually up for this story. The setting in the prologue is obviously based on a fully imagined new world where nymphs are not only real, but rule the forest and have a somewhat advanced political system with laws and moral ideals of their own. The dynamic relationship between Alizarin and her brother Ash is also fun to watch and interesting to follow how the two look to face whatever is ahead together.  

3.      Good Direction

Score: 1

This story has plenty of action scenes that are intense and fast moving. Also as I said, the world of the nymphs actually begins to show political and moral systems that are not directly related to the human world, some of which are outright stated, while others are implied. I definitely believe that Alizarin and Ash are siblings and their reactions to situations are dictated by their personalities not character archetypes.

4.      Author Interest

Score: 1

The author of this story loves to discuss it and pays attention to critiques.

5.      Believable Main Characters

Score: ¾  

I’m really not sure who is a side or main character in the Nymph world, but once the story proper gets going with Alizarin and Ash, I mostly believe them both as people. Mostly. The problem is that often the characters will do what I have come to call “jumping”. A character “jump” occurs when an individual in a story behaves in a way that would eventually be warranted or should be warranted, but doesn’t seem to take the necessary steps to get to that behavior. This is a common problem for fantasy writers with a theme about normal people becoming involved in a fantasy world. How do you convincingly write someone coming to terms with the fact that magic is suddenly not only real, but a part of her life? Alizarin clearly resists the idea but eventually has no choice but to come around. However her brother Ash starts manipulating his powers with very little clue what they are and never really stops to ask what he can do before he does it. For instance he uses a self-cloning power before anyone really explains he has it. He does hesitate when asked to move a large truck with his bare hands, but does so when urged to, not asking for an explanation for how he could until some ten minutes later. Poor Ash really is an interesting character, but on occasion (not often) his actions lack motivation or convincing responses. One thing that really struck me as hard to get my head around, was when Alizarin proclaims to herself that she can’t live without Ash after he gets fatally injured. Sure they’re siblings, but even for brother and sister this is a strong reaction. I thought it would have been warranted to see more comradery and dependency between the two to justify a statement like that.

6.      Likable Main Characters

Score: 1

Despite that at times I couldn’t always connect the dots in relation to their actions, I did like the characters. Ash the dependable, childish and shy brother, and Alizarin the brave, assertive and analyzing sister. It actually reminded me of my own relationship with my sister, save for the fact that we’re much closer in maturity levels, and as a result, they felt like a pair I could meet in real life, minus the super powers. I will admit that nothing flew out as incredibly special, but still they were fun to watch.

7.      Likable Side Characters

Score: 1/?

All of the nymphs felt fleshed out to some degree, however if ANY of them were side characters or which ones, I don’t really know. Like I’ve said before, I know this story has a long way to go from what I read, and from what I did read, it’s hard to say who has a lead role beyond the brother and sister pair. All of the characters presented sound like they could be interesting protagonists or antagonists and as I’ve said before, it’s always nice to see that we’re not following the only interesting people in a bland world.

8.      Good Scene Descriptions

Score: 0

This is where the story lost traction. I loved watching the characters and exploring the world of the nymphs for the short few chapters, but never got a feel for what ANYONE looked like and most of the scenes had absolute bare minimum description. In the first scene a nymph of indeterminate size was pictured in a nest somewhere in a tree that had a twig sticking out into her foot. When the story proper got going, I knew basically nothing about the appearances of the siblings. I did not even their ages. This could have determined a lot about how I understood their relationship. Both siblings, could drive, lived in their parents’ house and went to an indeterminate grade in school, but that leaves all kinds of possibilities. For all I knew Alizarin was a twenty two year old college student whose parents were helping her offset the expenses of college, and Ash was her fourteen year old brother who just got his driver’s permit. If that were the case it would have gone a long way to explain the differences in their maturity and it even would have helped explain Alizarin’s panic when her brother got injured. Course the dynamic would have been completely different if they were both sixteen and fraternal twins, explaining a possibly VERY close relationship. Age/size relationships, especially where younger people are concerned, determines a lot about those people and how they are seen. A male is considered a boy at fourteen, and a scant two years later is considered to be nearly a man.

9.      Targeting

Score: 1

Really this story does feel like a fantasy story’s answer to comic books. The action is intense and the character personalities help determine events which happen in rapid succession as the stakes gradually raise. The concepts themselves are often goofy at heart but if you want, they’re not impossible to take seriously. With polish, this story will soon have the nerd population begging for a sequel.

10.  Broad Appeal

Score: 1

Though this story is reminiscent of comic books it is also accessible to the general public, not relying on comic tropes or concepts and explaining what’s going on without involving an impossible to understand back story. You don’t have to be a nerd to understand the humor and you don’t have to geek out to follow the action. Now, I’m probably going to go read Spiderman or one of my other collections because guess what, I am a nerd.