The Master Mage Trilogy: Awakening Story by Z. Z. Ali

The Master Mage Trilogy: Awakening Story by Z. Z. Ali

This has to be one of the best, if not the best story on Authonomy I've read so far actually earning a full 11.75! I was so impressed that the only changes I found needing to be made were aesthetic in nature, rather than straight mistakes.

The pros of this story are many. Well described beautiful worlds, fleshed out characters, good action, far reaching mythology, mystery... I could go on for a while. The problems rested in a few grammar errors and a few times where in my view the author took things too far in one direction or another, however I realized why he may have gone those directions.

The final score came out to about 11.75 out of a possible 12 with two bonus points. This is the highest score I have ever given to a story and would probably have gotten a higher score than my own stories could have received. That's right, this story seemed better to me than my own, which is generally hard to get a writer to fully admit.

The objectionable material in this story was perhaps more than my standard fare, though I attribute that to the author establishing high stakes and intense action. For blood a -4 and this is because of several scenes in the demon realm, where whole walls ran with blood. Really there were no drawn out torture scenes or anything of the like, but a general creepy and gory atmosphere was pervasive while the characters traveled through their world's version of hell. Another -3 for the killing of both good and bad characters alike. Finally a -1 for a general atmosphere of horror. -8 out of -25. I'm not sure if this is meant to be a horror story, probably more action fantasy, and the gore is mostly superficial, but just to be clear, this probably isn't for the kiddies.

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Awakening is a story that takes place in a world of magic and demons filled with mystery and intrigue. While many social issues are brought up, the author actually maintains as perspective that the line between good and evil is pretty thin, which isn't easy to do in a story that includes demons, God and prophesied heroes. The action is intense and pays off very well in the end along with great mystery and suspense. A must read for fantasy lovers!

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And with the author plug out of the way, here are the details of how the score was decided:

Warning: Spoilers may be ahead.

Spelling/Grammar

Score: ¾

Here's where I had a slight issue with the writer. Oh yes, for most of the story it was actually difficult to find grammar errors, but a few popped up here and there. The main issue I had was that chapter lengths were all over the place and there didn't seem to be a rhyme or reason for it. One chapter would be five pages and the next would be forty. Best I could tell the author was trying to use chapters to place the events of the story into sections, such as, the training of the hero, the first battle, the onset of a major plague, etc. However many of these sections could easily have been two chapters long without causing any interruptions in the story's flow. This would probably be an easy fix, but I might still get on it soon.

Interesting Plot

Score: 1

The worlds created for this story were very well put together. Clearly this story is one in a series, not only from the title, but from the way the story is written. This is the “introduction” book it seems. The book is devoted to exploring the worlds of the Master Mages, both mortal and demonic. It even explores social and religious development, but all without jumping out of a good storyline. Many major questions are raised, and clearly meant to be answered later on, such as, “what exactly are the Master Mages?”.

The driving force of the plot was the battle against a demonic enemy and finding the seven prophesied heroes that would fight it. The humans and demons were both very well described, particular emphasis on the main characters, noting even subtle changes in appearances. Despite some of the story being predictable in nature I never quite knew what was around the next corner.

Good Direction

Score: 1

The direction of this story was very good from start to finish. Events played out much like a video game would if one had a decent plot, right down to the boss battles. That being said, I have a few changes that I would make, all of them rather superficial, but nonetheless considerable.

First, the author seems to like the idea of the narrow escape far too much. When battling the first master demon (the first boss essentially) the characters had to escape the gate world he was residing in. This involved narrowly escaping the room they fought in, before it collapsed, then running through the building as it collapsed behind them. Then they narrowly getting out of the building just before it collapses. Then they rush down the mountain barely dodging debris, getting away just before it erupted. Then they narrowly get out of the gate world before the whole thing crumbles sending them through the gate in a glorious explosion. Sorry, but, yes, this sets up later on why they have to go into the demon world in order to escape the collapsing of a second gate, as they have not time to get back to their own world with two characters injured but it's still excessive. Especially considering when the author has this happen again and the gate world collapses behind them just after they enter the demon world too, meaning they somehow did not save time traveling a shorter distance. The truth is the author should have had the characters run out of the demon castle and perhaps as they're moments away from exiting, turn back and see the world collapsing. This would create a sense that this wasn't happening simply to facilitate a ridiculous series of escapes, but really was the natural consequence of killing a master demon. Then when the main characters jump into the demon world rather then trying to hobble all the way back to the gate to their world, we will still realize why they did it. Again, the gate world did not need to collapse right after they left to the demon world, that just made things look even sillier. (Actually it was just the room that collapsed after them, so I suppose the destruction time was the same relative time.) Narrow escapes are only one form of action and repeating them over and over is like having far too many glorious mega explosions. The reader eventually loses any sense of dread or astonishment and starts to think the story is being funny. There's nothing wrong with a little campyness, but I don't think that was the goal of this story.

Second, the story eventually explored a religion that had formed in the human world and survived when a city was taken to the demon world. The followers of this religion had successfully predicted their own fate, had incredible power for mere humans and even had the great staffs of the mages suddenly appear in their city. The city of this religion, apparently once the dominate religion of the human world, was once the greatest of all cities in the world. In the end it seemed that this religion was supposed to be right, so when it was revealed what the religion said the master mages were, naturally I assumed it to be right there as well. Later on though their theories were called into question on the mages themselves. Again, there was no saying for sure they were wrong. This all felt kinda weird. If doubting the religion was something the reader was intended to do, why not make it only seem right on the surface and have other elements that were doubtful? Yes, the religion mirrored Christianity in many respects, but no, allowing clear doubts would not seem offensive to me, all religions, even my own, make dubious claims. Really I could see the author getting away with this, after all the religion is learned about in a town full of devotees, so of course it was colored favorably by those explaining it. This one is up in the air, but I might make things a little less certain.

Third, there was a short training of the main character which is when she first started to understand and embrace her powers. While these training scenes are okay, they were cut a little short for my liking and summarized a little too much. The author showed at first several battles, but glossed over how the training went when Garent started using her new found power. The second training scene only shows one fight, leaving us to guess the mode of training from there. I would say a few more drills would have been interesting to see. However the author could argue that too many drills would have been rather boring. Still two or three probably would have been fine and at least ONE after her first discovery of her abilities.

Author Interest

Score: 1

I think the author directly advertises his book, but I'm not sure, after all I approached him not the other way around. He's certainly involved in Authonomy, posting comments all the time and communicating with other members, so I can say he's definitely trying to get noticed.

Believable Main Characters

Score: 1

Most of the characters in this story had personalities that were simple, but not to the extent that I couldn't believe they could exist. This was facilitated by the author giving them back stories and allowing them to react to situations naturally. I will note that the character of Vasaya almost lost me. Her back story is never really explained and she is seen constantly crying. While her character proves useful, we never really get to know her. It seems possible she could have good reason to behave the way she does, but it does eventually seem excessive. I really do think the author should vary her reactions to situations a little more.

Likable Main Characters

Score: 2

Again, most of the characters were very well explored, which made me like and care about them a lot. Especially the explorations of Garnet's psychi was insteresting. Normally when writers try to delve into psychological bonds or battles, even on TV, things become confusing. However I really was able to follow what was going on when the author explored her mind. I also loved Grelle, who was probably the opposite of what you might expect the wind master to be, a real smart aleck with an insatiable appetite for violence. Even Thev proved interesting in that while his body mirrored what one would expect for a commander of the earth element, the author didn't choose to cast him as emotionless or constantly angry, as is typical in stories like this. Rather he was caring and patient with a real sense of honor. The only character I really couldn't get into, was Vasaya. Again, her story really wasn't explored very much. The author gives glimpses of reasons for her constant mourning, which kept me from hating the character as her behavior became more of a mystery than an annoyance at times. Also the character of Vasaya does not ultimately become useless.

Likable Side Characters

Score: 2

I would like to give a bonus point here for Aros or Old Mag, who were great side characters with implied stories of their own. However neither really caught my attention in a special way. Still the characters besides the main characters, all seemed to have stories and lives of their own that clearly were going on before our heroes stepped in, and would continue afterward. Of particular note were the demons, who all had personalities that were very well explored.

The demons is where I decided to give the bonus point. They were powerful and sneak, rather than powerful and obvious. This despite having VERY great power. Their power, evil and trickery was usually established in a few paragraphs or pages, without the demons becoming main characters. I've never seen demons done this well. Really, it's hard to pull off characters that are by definition one dimensional entities of pure evil and continue to make them scary once you get a look them in a story. But the descriptions of the creatures and their behavior helped keep the eeriness about them even when you saw them for what they were. They were awesome!

Good Scene Descriptions

Score: 1

The world, environments, creatures, weapons... everything was beautifully described in this story, probably helped by the author using a pretty decent vocabulary without seeming like a kid saying “look what words I know!”. I especially loved how the demons were set up, each unique and completely alien. (Though perhaps the author could stop pointing this out by using the word “alien”. Superficial problem maybe, but after a while he was pointing out the obvious with that word.)

Targeting

Score: 1

This is a great story, feeling as grand and expansive as Lord of the Rings in some instances. The author creates a great fantasy world for the readers and I can see fantasy lovers having debates about the ins and outs of it for a long time to come if it gets published. This is often the most important thing in fantasy and sci-fi, giving the reader something to explore that they haven't seen before. True, sometimes its just about a simple adventure (or my story, Finders, is a near failure), but the grand whole new world is there this time and waiting to be explored.

Broad Appeal

Score: 1

This is a fantasy story, but it doesn't assume you know the rules of the universe as many fantasy stories do. While younger readers should probably look elsewhere, this would be pretty entertaining for just about any adult reader of fiction.

Decision to back or not:

This story impacted me pretty well which is probably already obvious from the review. I still stand behind the other books on my shelf, but with it's addition I have a pretty solid five book line up. It will be hard to figure out which one to drop the next time I find a really good story.